Church was awesome, somebody went up on stage and started preaching the Gospel to us, started explaining to us what the Gospel really is. It was so cool. He just kept saying that God Loves us and that He came down to earth and sent His Son for us, to save the lost (the Gospel). As I was standing there my friend was next to me, who is still just getting to know who Jesus is. As he kept preaching I kept looking over at my friend and was wondering if tonight was going to be the night that she was to hand over her heart to God.
I kept praying for her that God would just begin to soften and mend her heart. The man went on to say, "if you want to accept Christ to come live in your heart come to the front, you know who you are if you need to give your heart to the Lord. Maybe God is tugging at your heart right now to come." He said it in such a kind way, but also in the way he said it had power behind it, the Power of God (this is how I imaging God speaks to us). It had seemed to me that while he was preaching he kept looking over at me, I didn't know if he thought that I was the one who needed Jesus. :) Maybe he just subconsciously looked over that way and was really looking past me. It was a little interesting I must say.
Back to the point.
As he had counted to three for the people to start making their way to the alter I leaned over to my friend and asked if she was ready. She said no. Instantly my heart sunk. My heart was broken. As I stood there tears were on the verge breaking through my eyes. I stood there with my arms crossed and my head down hoping that my friend wouldn't see my face. I sat down. She sat down. I kept having a little debate with myself whether I should get up and move to the back and pray or if I should just stay there trying to hold back the tears. I got up and quickly walked over to my mom. My moms eyes were closed and the last thing she expected was for me to come and hug her while she was praising the Lord.
I literally threw my arms around her in desperation. I didn't know what to do and and so I went to my mom. As she wrapped her arms around me I just wept on her shoulder. I cried, "She says she's not ready, she's never going to be ready until she actually steps out in faith. I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what to tell her anymore. I don't think she's ever going to be ready. I don't know..."
I was trembling. My moms prayers started to calm me down a little. She reminded me of my great grandmother who had just recently passed away at the age of 94. She had fought God for 94 years and when she was on her death bed is when she gave her heart to the Lord. I thought, "Oh great my friend's going to be nearly 100 before she finally submits." But I knew it wasn't going to be that long. My mom prayed that God would begin to melt the ice that was around her heart and warm it towards Him. My mom just kept praying for me and reminding me of these things. I calmed down even more.
My mom said that we were supposed to weep for the lost. I asked, "So it's ok that I'm crying for her?" She said, "Yes, it is." I instantly thought of Jesus. He had gone through so much pain for us. He was beaten, bruised and broken. He was whipped. He was shredded and bleeding, his skin was literally being torn from Him. Thorns were pierced into His head. He was unrecognizable. The weight of the world was on His shoulders, the cross. He died on that cross for our sins. Jesus proved His love by giving His life to us. God sent Him to save us. God sent Jesus to save the lost, and to die for us because He loves us.
Later that night God told me that if I, only human, wept for only one person, Imagine how God, the creator of All, feels for the whole world. He told me that I had only felt a fraction of what He feels everyday. Imagine what that's like, you can't, it's too much to handle. That's why God handles it...
God has placed us here on this earth to spread the Gospel to the lost, and to weep for them as well. But, we aren't to weep all the time, "For everything there is a season...a time to weep and a time to laugh." Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 (ESV) There will come a day when I am to laugh with my friend. Although we already do have a lot of good laughs, but you know what I mean. ;-)
For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost. Luke 19:10 (NIV)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
My Declaration
I never knew what to pray and would sometimes get stuck on a word that would go nowhere but would just be bouncing around in my head. I would ask God so desperately to give me the gift of a prayer language. I would even keep my mouth open a little and wait for the words to come out. Nothing. "Why can't I speak in tongues God? Why haven't you given me that gift? Are you saving it for when the time is right?"
At times I didn't feel like my prayers were enough or even good. My whole family could speak in tongues and to be honest I was sad that I was the only one who couldn't. One day as my entire family was in the living room straightening up, minding their own business, I looked at all of them and thought to myself, "All of these people have their very own language that God has given them. It is so incredible that God can do that." I can't describe to you in words how I felt at that moment. It was almost as if I were in awe of a great gift that they had. I wanted it. But I just kept waiting. I knew that sooner or later in my lifetime that I was going to be able to speak in tongues just like them.
I had gone to college and still wasn't baptized with the Holy Spirit. My college is very different, I go to a "Christian" based college that welcomes all sorts of religions; Hindu, Buddha, Muslim, and all different denominations of Christianity. I am non-Dom (Nondenominational), so they call it at school. So many people in this school and all around the world don't have a clear view of God. Some even view God how they want to, not for who He is and what He's come to do. I'm sad to say that so many people think that it's ok to live a life of sin as long as they know that Jesus still loves them. Jesus does still love us even in our sin. But some have that idea like, "well Jesus loves me no matter what, so I guess I'm a Christian." It's not like that. When someone becomes a Christian they are admitting that they are sinners and they need God to save them. Yes God loves us, but He Hates the sin.
All of this stuff going on at my school has gotten me to think and to seek God even more than I had ever before. It has challenged me in so many ways, to make a stand and do something about it. But I didn't know how. Because I was/am going to such a liberal school I needed that prayer language. I needed it so I could fight, battle, go to war. War against the enemy and all the religious stuff my school was trying to throw at me. Not just my school, the world.
The semester was over and I couldn't have been happier. "Finally I can get away from all of these crazy beliefs." I decided that I would spend December soaking myself in God's word and building my relationship back up with Him. During the past few months at school I neglected spending much needed time with my Father. I would be so consumed in school that I would forget to read my bible or pray or even think about God. It was a struggle and my sheltered little world had been rocked by a big world full of sin. But Praise the Lord I have such an anointed family who loves God with ALL the might, soul and strength. Praise the Lord I go to such an amazing church that believes and moves in the supernatural.
It was around the middle of December and still I could not pray in tongues. It was on a Wednesday night and Pastor John Hammer was preaching. He had all of us stand up and start praying out loud. I remember thinking, "Man, now would be a great time to start praying in tongues." So I told God, "I want to speak in tongues, I don't know what to pray." Soon after I had said those words Pastor John asked that if anyone wanted to be baptized with the Holy Spirit to come up to the front.
Before anybody was even up there I bolted out of my row and made it to the front. I was the first person up there and felt a little awkward, but I knew that it was for me. Kim Babcock came to pray for me and she started praying in tongues. I thought, "how will I know when I start speaking in tongues?" So I just opened my mouth and waited for the words to start flowing out of me. My jaw started to quiver and I decided to make some noise come out of my mouth, to use my voice, the voice that I'd kept secret from the world for a long time. The voice that was not going to be silent or hidden behind fear.
As I was being prayed for some babbling came out and my right hand was shaking so bad I couldn't stop it. Babbling, Babbling, more babbling, words, but not words I could understand. Oh yeah now we're getting somewhere. At that moment I was being filled. Filled with the Holy Spirit Himself. Yep, I got it, I can speak in tongues. God has given me the gift of a prayer language. One that I can use in a simple little prayer, to pray for my family, to pray when I have no words of my own, and to pray and war against the enemy and his schemes.
I spent the rest of that December preparing myself for school; using my prayer language, reading my bible, filling my ears and spirit with some anointed worship music and receiving everything that God had/has for me. I went back to school way more confident than I had left. I went back with a purpose and a mission, to speak up and use the voice that God has given me, and to use my prayer language to win battles all with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Not only did I have the gift of speaking in tongues but I had also found my voice. Before I had my voice I was bold and not afraid to speak my mind or even step out. I wasn't afraid of what people said about me and I would stand up for my Jesus. Before I wasn't afraid to let my voice be heard, whether it was with talking or singing. Somewhere down the road my voice was lost and I didn't even realize it until I was thrown into a world of many religions. I didn't notice until my mom said something about it, and asked where it had gone. That's when I got furious, when I was done listening to the lies. No longer will I believe them.
God has given me the gift of speaking in tongues, to use my voice again through the powerful prayer language that He chose to give me when the time was right. To Speak and never shut up!
1 Corinthians 14:2 "For anyone who speaks in tongues does not speak to men but to God. Indeed no one understands him; he utters mysteries with his spirit."
1 Corinthians 14:22 Tongues, then, are a sign, not for the believers but for the unbelievers."
At times I didn't feel like my prayers were enough or even good. My whole family could speak in tongues and to be honest I was sad that I was the only one who couldn't. One day as my entire family was in the living room straightening up, minding their own business, I looked at all of them and thought to myself, "All of these people have their very own language that God has given them. It is so incredible that God can do that." I can't describe to you in words how I felt at that moment. It was almost as if I were in awe of a great gift that they had. I wanted it. But I just kept waiting. I knew that sooner or later in my lifetime that I was going to be able to speak in tongues just like them.
I had gone to college and still wasn't baptized with the Holy Spirit. My college is very different, I go to a "Christian" based college that welcomes all sorts of religions; Hindu, Buddha, Muslim, and all different denominations of Christianity. I am non-Dom (Nondenominational), so they call it at school. So many people in this school and all around the world don't have a clear view of God. Some even view God how they want to, not for who He is and what He's come to do. I'm sad to say that so many people think that it's ok to live a life of sin as long as they know that Jesus still loves them. Jesus does still love us even in our sin. But some have that idea like, "well Jesus loves me no matter what, so I guess I'm a Christian." It's not like that. When someone becomes a Christian they are admitting that they are sinners and they need God to save them. Yes God loves us, but He Hates the sin.
All of this stuff going on at my school has gotten me to think and to seek God even more than I had ever before. It has challenged me in so many ways, to make a stand and do something about it. But I didn't know how. Because I was/am going to such a liberal school I needed that prayer language. I needed it so I could fight, battle, go to war. War against the enemy and all the religious stuff my school was trying to throw at me. Not just my school, the world.
The semester was over and I couldn't have been happier. "Finally I can get away from all of these crazy beliefs." I decided that I would spend December soaking myself in God's word and building my relationship back up with Him. During the past few months at school I neglected spending much needed time with my Father. I would be so consumed in school that I would forget to read my bible or pray or even think about God. It was a struggle and my sheltered little world had been rocked by a big world full of sin. But Praise the Lord I have such an anointed family who loves God with ALL the might, soul and strength. Praise the Lord I go to such an amazing church that believes and moves in the supernatural.
It was around the middle of December and still I could not pray in tongues. It was on a Wednesday night and Pastor John Hammer was preaching. He had all of us stand up and start praying out loud. I remember thinking, "Man, now would be a great time to start praying in tongues." So I told God, "I want to speak in tongues, I don't know what to pray." Soon after I had said those words Pastor John asked that if anyone wanted to be baptized with the Holy Spirit to come up to the front.
Before anybody was even up there I bolted out of my row and made it to the front. I was the first person up there and felt a little awkward, but I knew that it was for me. Kim Babcock came to pray for me and she started praying in tongues. I thought, "how will I know when I start speaking in tongues?" So I just opened my mouth and waited for the words to start flowing out of me. My jaw started to quiver and I decided to make some noise come out of my mouth, to use my voice, the voice that I'd kept secret from the world for a long time. The voice that was not going to be silent or hidden behind fear.
As I was being prayed for some babbling came out and my right hand was shaking so bad I couldn't stop it. Babbling, Babbling, more babbling, words, but not words I could understand. Oh yeah now we're getting somewhere. At that moment I was being filled. Filled with the Holy Spirit Himself. Yep, I got it, I can speak in tongues. God has given me the gift of a prayer language. One that I can use in a simple little prayer, to pray for my family, to pray when I have no words of my own, and to pray and war against the enemy and his schemes.
I spent the rest of that December preparing myself for school; using my prayer language, reading my bible, filling my ears and spirit with some anointed worship music and receiving everything that God had/has for me. I went back to school way more confident than I had left. I went back with a purpose and a mission, to speak up and use the voice that God has given me, and to use my prayer language to win battles all with the help of the Holy Spirit.
Not only did I have the gift of speaking in tongues but I had also found my voice. Before I had my voice I was bold and not afraid to speak my mind or even step out. I wasn't afraid of what people said about me and I would stand up for my Jesus. Before I wasn't afraid to let my voice be heard, whether it was with talking or singing. Somewhere down the road my voice was lost and I didn't even realize it until I was thrown into a world of many religions. I didn't notice until my mom said something about it, and asked where it had gone. That's when I got furious, when I was done listening to the lies. No longer will I believe them.
God has given me the gift of speaking in tongues, to use my voice again through the powerful prayer language that He chose to give me when the time was right. To Speak and never shut up!
1 Corinthians 14:2 "For anyone who speaks in tongues does not speak to men but to God. Indeed no one understands him; he utters mysteries with his spirit."
1 Corinthians 14:22 Tongues, then, are a sign, not for the believers but for the unbelievers."
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The Little Things
OK. So this is my first post and I don't really have a lot to say. So bear with me, I'm very new at this. Hopefully you like it, if not...eh that's ok. :)
Last night at around 9:30 I decided I wanted to put my pajamas on. What a silly thing to say. But who doesn't want to put jammies on at that time of night? My friend was over watching movies and I didn't feel like staying in my jeans with her anymore. Sorry buddy!
As I got up from the couch, and was on my way to my bedroom, I remembered I had washed my pajamas that morning, hoping so badly that someone put them in the dryer so they didn't sour. One could only hope. Our laundry room isn't really a room, it's more of a linen closet, you just open up some folding doors and POOF!!! there's the washer and dryer.
The dryer was going and I thought, "Oh Jesus please let the clothes be dry by now". As I opened up the folding, squeaky doors of the laundry closet I heard the dryer click off. "Huh" (gasp of excitement). "Could they really be done? Did somebody switch loads? Are my jammies in there?" I could feel the heat waves gushing from the dryer. I popped open the dryer and BAM!!! there they were, my wonderful gray and black jammies!
"Oh my goodness, Thank you Jesus!!!" I was so happy. I was more than happy, I was thrilled, ecstatic, I don't know, all I know is I was very happy. My pajamas were in the dryer, they were done drying and they were warm. I grabbed them and ran right to my room. I tried to put them on before they got cold and fumbled a few time because of my over excitement, but no worries, I succeeded with a pair of jammies hugging me.
I was a happy girl and came out of my room, wrapping my arms around myself, telling my friend how much Jesus loves me. I can't really remember what she did or if she even did anything. But I didn't care. I just wanted my cozy pajamas...
Now, the whole reason why I wrote this miniature blog:
I just wanted to share that even in the smallest things God shows His love. And in silly little ways too. He proves His love in the tiniest things even when we're not expecting it. He lets us know in the smallest, less important ways as possible. In ways no one gets excited about, laundry. For goodness sakes He decided to use my pajamas as an example! He proved to me once more that He will ALWAYS show me His love in warm comforting ways, wrapping His everlasting and loving arms around me and providing my every want and need.
Just because He LOVES me
...He loves me so much
...Just because.
Last night at around 9:30 I decided I wanted to put my pajamas on. What a silly thing to say. But who doesn't want to put jammies on at that time of night? My friend was over watching movies and I didn't feel like staying in my jeans with her anymore. Sorry buddy!
As I got up from the couch, and was on my way to my bedroom, I remembered I had washed my pajamas that morning, hoping so badly that someone put them in the dryer so they didn't sour. One could only hope. Our laundry room isn't really a room, it's more of a linen closet, you just open up some folding doors and POOF!!! there's the washer and dryer.
The dryer was going and I thought, "Oh Jesus please let the clothes be dry by now". As I opened up the folding, squeaky doors of the laundry closet I heard the dryer click off. "Huh" (gasp of excitement). "Could they really be done? Did somebody switch loads? Are my jammies in there?" I could feel the heat waves gushing from the dryer. I popped open the dryer and BAM!!! there they were, my wonderful gray and black jammies!
"Oh my goodness, Thank you Jesus!!!" I was so happy. I was more than happy, I was thrilled, ecstatic, I don't know, all I know is I was very happy. My pajamas were in the dryer, they were done drying and they were warm. I grabbed them and ran right to my room. I tried to put them on before they got cold and fumbled a few time because of my over excitement, but no worries, I succeeded with a pair of jammies hugging me.
I was a happy girl and came out of my room, wrapping my arms around myself, telling my friend how much Jesus loves me. I can't really remember what she did or if she even did anything. But I didn't care. I just wanted my cozy pajamas...
Now, the whole reason why I wrote this miniature blog:
I just wanted to share that even in the smallest things God shows His love. And in silly little ways too. He proves His love in the tiniest things even when we're not expecting it. He lets us know in the smallest, less important ways as possible. In ways no one gets excited about, laundry. For goodness sakes He decided to use my pajamas as an example! He proved to me once more that He will ALWAYS show me His love in warm comforting ways, wrapping His everlasting and loving arms around me and providing my every want and need.
Just because He LOVES me
...He loves me so much
...Just because.
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